He is everywhere

It has been quite some time since I last posted here.  Part of it was life getting in the way,  but ofcourse that is only because I let it.  And though I feel guilty over it,  at the same time it has enabled me to discover something I have never seen before.

When I gave my life over to the Lord,  last November,  I knew it wouldnt be good times and roses all the time. I knew eventually I was going to slide back into old habits and patterns of thinking. It has happened before and ofcourse it would again. Because I am not nearly strong enough to handle what temptation,  sin and pride have waiting for me.

But this time,  it is different.  Because I felt out of place instead of comfortable. Empty instead of happy.  Lonely instead of being held. And reminded of His love instead of abandoned.

Why?

Because over the course of just little over 6 months,  He has worked in me. Changed me from the inside. And that reflects in the very things I used to use as distractions!

I used to frown upon all those religious posts than came along on my social media and raise an eyebrow over the “Blessed Christmas” cards we sometimes got.

But my oh my, things have changed! 

 

I sent out Christmas cards with baby Jesus,  last December.

On my Facebook I find regular posts from “Desiring God”,  I am glad to be member of a group called “People Sharing Jesus”…  And every sunday evening I get the opportunity to follow a live stream of a Vineyard service.

In my e-mail inbox I find several blog updates from fellow WordPress Bloggers who are more loyal in posting regularly than myself, about their journey in faith… and I receive regular emails from pastor Rick and Lifeway for women.

On my Pinterest account, amidst of all the crocheting and cardmaking stuff, there are scripture quotes, Bible journaling examples and those cute little memes from the Little Church Mouse.

And when I turn on music to listen to while I am making cards,  doing household chores or crocheting,  it is worship music from Mercy Me,  Zach Williams or the Casting Crowns instead of the drinking and cheating songs that country music is built upon.

So even when I am not actively searching for God in my life,  He is present. EVERYWHERE !

And tonight I just had to share that with y’all.  Because I never would have believed it,  if anyone would have told me a year ago,  that He would be so present in my life. I still am amazed at how faithful He is,  even when I am not! Even when I don’t visit Him in His House, He wants to live in me.

I know, I am nowhere near an experienced Christian.  I know, I have a lot of work to do, roads to travel.  But that doesnt scare me or discourage me anymore.

Why?

Because I don’t have to work alone. I used too understand the lines Marty Stuart sang…. But now I FEEL it!

“I am a lonesome pilgrim, far from home

And what a journey I have known

I might be tired and weary but I am strong

Because pilgrims walk but not alone….

Marty Stuart – The pilgrim

 

G.

Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

 

 

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Weakness am I

MercyMe201602Weakness “Flawless” am I

MercyMe sings my truth in their song New Lease On Life:

“The enemy knows where I call my home,
but he’s still trying
to mess up my life in the meantime,
so Lord remind me.”

I love listening to MercyMe, because they manage to address the tough patches in life without losing hope. They tell me that being a Christian, and being a “good” one, isn’t always the easiest of choices. But they also tell me that I am never alone, and that no matter what, God loves me, and has always loved me. As I am. Sin and stupidity and vulnerabilities and all. Their entire album ‘Welcome to the new’ is like that. It was the best album I could have bought as a newly reborn child of God.

So whenever I am feeling like a total failure, whenever I realize that I have lost the fight against the enemy again… I need music like theirs. Yes, I read my bible, of course. But one of my personality traits is that I am usually focusing on what I could do better, what I could improve, and what goes wrong. And reading in the Bible of how Jesus was perfect, without sin and strong always, telling us what we need to be or do to be with Him in Heaven, it triggers me to think of myself as ‘insufficient’… ‘not enough’… a ‘loser’ or ‘weak’. And I know I am. It is not because of my own strength that I can be a light on the mountainside, salt of the earth… or anything more than weak. Without God I can never be one of those things.

But through listening to songs like the afore mentioned ‘New Lease On Life’ or ‘Flawless’ or ‘Greater’ I am reminded of the fact that He still loves me. Enough to give his only Son for me, to be saved from all of that, by His blood. MercyMe is one of the ways that God reminds me

“No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless”

Over here in the Netherlands MercyMe is not widely known, I don’t know about the rest of the world, but if you haven’t heard from them before, you can find MercyMe on their YouTube channel

 

What gives you hope?

G.

Journey or Destination

 

I would like to start off with wishing you a very happy and blessed 2017 in this first post of the year!! I know I have been quiet over the past few weeks and it wasn’t just to celebrate the festivities in the end of the year.

I have been writing a story in the past few weeks. A story of how I found my way back to God, long ago. A story of pain, confusion, and worry, but also a story of friendship, faith and Mercy. My dear friend Jack, currently blogging at www.jesuschristexalted.com, helped me in more ways than I imagined possible, and he has now published the first part of my story on to his blog.

I hope you will give his blog a visit, to read Journey or Destination Part 1, The Star. Oh, and while you are there, don’t forget to check out his beautiful poetry!!!

G.

Rock Bottom

Do you ever have the feeling that something doesn’t add up? That your life is going all wrong no matter how hard you try to fix it? No matter how hard you fight, you are still headed for Rock Bottom? And then you give up and meet that one temptation that promises you all you ever wished for. Comforts you, makes you feel good about yourself, takes your hand and takes you on a trip. A trip that is carefully planned and leads you further away from what you were trying to fix in the first place? It starts to distract you from the things you valued. Honesty. Fidelity. Trust. Family.
Temptation feels like a blanket made especially for you. It keeps you warm and keeps the truth out. It tells you you don’t have to fight anymore. It tells you you can do whatever you want. And if there is a little voice inside your heart that tells you “but how can it be?”, temptation will give you a rational answer that soothes your conscience. It seems to justify your actions, your self-pity, your pride, your anger, your lust. It makes you forget about forgiveness, humility and love. Further and further it leads you away.
And slowly, temptation will show it’s real face. Will not be as warm, as committed anymore. Will leave you out there in the dark, cold and uncertain. Feeling more alone than you ever did with no way to find your way back. All your bridges burnt behind you, nothing but hurt left. You have arrived. Rock Bottom, population 1.
I have learnt that Rock Bottom is perfect to kneel on.
It is there in that darkness, in spite of all my wrongdoings, that God found me. All I had to do is reach out to Him. Ask Him to help. To light the way back, not to whom I was, but to whom He wants me to be. A better version of myself. There is no way I can get there. But He can! He took one of His soldiers and helped me to my knees. I couldn’t even do that myself. He took my questions and confusion and loneliness away. Asked me to give up my struggle, my pride and my anger. Asked me to not be afraid, but to have Faith.
I am not there yet. But I have given up on temptation. I confessed it to Him and I don’t want it anymore. Not even now that it has put his friendly, warm and tempting face back on. I have a better Friend now. I want to do what Jesus told me to do in Matthew 5 and 6. I want to be that person He wants me to be. I know I will stumble. May even hit Rock Bottom again. But I have learnt that Rock Bottom is perfect to kneel on.

G.