My blogname mentions “Stumbling” for a reason. Those baby steps on my way out of darkness sometimes barely resemble steps at all, and at days like today it feels like I am stumbling backwards instead of ahead…
Tired. Lost. Alone. Sad yet indifferent. I put on my smile for the world to see, but there’s a darkness still inside of me. I thought these days would be gone now, my pain would have fled, but somehow I cannot move much and just want to hide in my bed. That’s depression’s claws tugging at my brain, the tug I thought I would never feel again.
Invisible. Frightening. Paralized and feeling weak. The peace of Jesus gone for now, slipped away but I don’t know how. Back to rock bottom, is that where I am headed? Is this powerful enough to destroy me if I let it?
A readingplan. A song of worship and a prayer. Lord, help me out of this pain and loneliness. Lord, beat these feelings that turn me into such a mess. Your Son told me I could cry out to You, so here I am. Would you please take me by the hand?
One step, two steps, but the second was just me. So ofcourse I fall right back, to learn, to see. I don’t have the power, never had, never will. Through one step back, my pride now is still.
Will you please walk with me and guide my way, so that I can go ahead to the next step, the next day? You know what is there, You have already been there before me. So help me close my eyes, trust in Your Way and Ability to restore me.